Your (Former) Co-Workers Thank You

Ever wonder what happens to your stuff after you leave your place of employment? You can be sure that your (former) co-workers have descended upon your desk like a bunch of scavengers and anywhere else you may have stowed your things.

Bertha Butts just told me that after one female employee was laid off at my former employer, another one found and ate the food that the first employee had left behind in the office refrigerator. It's one thing to go through someone's desk or cubicle, and take a coveted chair or some other article. It's quite another to be eating someone else's leftovers. It's not that the employee didn't know because each food container had been marked with the previous owner's name. Girl, you know that's not right!!

So if you think your former co-workers are sad to see you go, think again. They're waiting for you to leave so they can ransack your desk and steal your food. Remember, if you're going to leave food behind, make sure it's rancid or left in a disgusting condition. While you're at it, leave that ratty old sweater behind and anything else that might have your cooties on it.

Under Employment

Just read in the newspaper that the national unemployment rate is going down. Must be all those minimum wage jobs being filled by high school and college students.

Recently, I applied for a job as an experienced editor for a market research firm. The interviewer, who sounded like she must have been 100 years old, called me and asked repeatedly if I was a student looking for summer work. I must have said no five times. She kept stressing how they wanted someone to be available to work about 30 hours a week, sometimes less. The more she talked, the more she reminded me of a cranky English teacher who I had in high school. It turned out that the job paid $8.50 per hour, no benefits.

Me: "I'm sorry but I'm not interested in a job that is less than 30 hours a week and pays starvation wages at that. I make more money getting unemployment compensation. "

Her: "Well, I'm sure a retired person might be interested in working a few hours a week."

Me: "Fine, then advertise in Modern Maturity."

Hey, I don't think a retired person would work under those conditions. Can you imagine working 40 years and putting up with a bunch of crap, only to retire so you could work at this pathetic job?

If there was ever a job that should be sent overseas, this one is it.