Snake Bite

Besides losing your job, you also lose your health care coverage. If you're covered by a spouse; hey, no sweat (unless your spouse loses his or her job too). But if you're like me, you don't have anyone but yourself to depend upon for health insurance.

Years ago, the federal government in all its wisdom sought to solve this problem by passing a law that allows employees to extend their health insurance coverage. Some clever congressmen named this law the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, or COBRA for short. I don't know how they come up with the names of these laws, but surely they could have figured something out besides the name of a snake.

My experience with COBRA, or as I shall call it, the Constipated Octopus Bloated Reconstituted Act (which makes about as much sense), started with a Very Importance Notice from my employer informing me "in a summary fashion" of my rights and obligations under COBRA, and that I "should take the time to read this notice." I pictured some anonymous HR employee wearing a summer frock while writing this crap. I read the 2-page notice written in teeny type sprinkled with bullets (if I only had a gun) and completed the paper work so I could enjoy the benefits of continued coverage.

A few days later, I received a form letter informing me that my monthly premium was a whopping $324.53. Ouch! This included a 2% administration fee. The amount was about equal to one week of unemployment benefits. I definitely felt as if I had been bitten by a snake.

The pain of writing the first check was to be shortly followed by the shock of the cost of filling a prescription ($160) before I received my new benefits card. After the pharmacist told me that it would probably take several weeks for my COBRA benefits to kick in, I got on the phone and called the COBRA Administrator at my former employer. She was on a leave of absence so I asked to talk to my friendly Benefits Specialist, Bertha Butts.

Thanks to Bertha's diligence, she was able to check the system to see if my coverage had taken effect (it had) and sent me a facsimile of my benefits card by email so I could get reimbursed for a large portion of my prescription. About a week or so later, the insurance company sent my card to me.

So now all I have to do is pay my COBRA insurance by the last day of the month... about the time that my mortgage payment is due. The COBRA coverage is available for up to 18 months. My unemployment compensation covers three months. Do the math. Either I find a job or marry a rich guy...or I drop dead before the money runs out.